Today God prepared a table for me.
I had no idea it was ready. Or that we had a meeting until about 5 minutes before I was supposed to show up. But He’s been working on it for awhile. He’s been using many hands to prepare it.
It was a table in the presence of people I thought were my enemies. I mean not REALLY enemies but people who hurt me whether they realized it or not. So clearly it was a table that was not in a comfortable place. But after a week of living in a major pit of depression the Lord sort of pointed out the table and said “Join me.”
So I did. awkwardly. and humbled.
This is not usually the case. I often choose to disobey when obedience is SO FAR OUTSIDE MY COMFORT ZONE. you have no idea.
or maybe you do.
He prepared a table for me to show me His kindness in a way I’ve never experienced it before. He had tools ready to chip away at pain that had been building up for years. He set me up for some serious freedom today. He met me RIGHT IN MY PAIN, grabbed my hand, called me out onto the waters where it was SCARY, and said
WE WILL DO THIS TOGETHER, child.
Leave it all here. The pain. The fears. The WHAT IF! Drop it. The anger. The bitterness. The ugly. Drop it like it’s HOT, sister. It’s hot. It’s stealing from you. I came to set you FREE.
Oh. Ok. I’m here Lord. I’m all in. I don’t know what it looks like, but I’m willing. Let’s do this.
So we did. I dropped it at the cross and prayed that the forgiveness would carry on for generations. generations of hurt. that they would be marked by FORGIVENESS and not grudges. and not bitterness. and not hard hearts. forgiveness that started at the cross and NEVER ENDS. He said YES. the answer is YES in Christ. I am putting my whole life on that statement.
So then we dined on grace. I drank up huge gulps of PEACE. I ate from His open hands of MERCY and KINDNESS. I enjoyed HIM and the fullness of FREEDOM He gives in return for the ugly we have to offer.
I sat alone in a room full of people…but I was feeling less ALONE than I have ever felt in my entire life. This wasn't about anyone but me and Him. His grace empowered me. He has great plans. This was a big step. I can’t wait to see what’s next.