It's April Fools day. I'm home alone. And I've been laughing all day. Out loud. This is victory for me.
You see I have this voice in my head. It's subtle but powerful. Almost a whisper. From the minute I wake up it says "You should've gone to bed earlier. Then you wouldn't be so tired. Then you'd be up and have Ephesians memorized before the boys wake up. Also, lunches. You'd have gourmet non GMO lunches prepared for your husband and children. Beds would be made. Socks matched. If you were a good mom they'd have a hot breakfast every morning served on placemats with the Scripture of the day."
Living a life of listening to that voice is a very lonely existence. And it's not funny.
The voice continues like this throughout the day unless I stop. CHOOSE to listen to HIS voice, and rest in the goodness of God. The limitless grace I've found in Christ Jesus. I choose to hear what HE says about me. The kindness of God that whispers:
"You are safe with me. You are forgiven. You are FREE."
I have to take deep breaths and SILENCE THE GARBAGE messages flooding my mind with scarcity (you aren't enough, you didn't do enough, you didn't give enough, you didn't prepare enough) and scrambling (you should have planned better, shopped better, prepped better) and scurrying (hurry up, hurry up, hurry up).
Some days I just really seem to live in the love of the Lord Jesus Christ. Those are the days I laugh. It's when I allow myself to sit and think about His kindness to me - the way He loves me even in my failures and in my fears. He loves my giggles and scribbles and He loves that I can laugh at myself. He loves that He gave me the ability to forgive myself & others, which was crucial to learning to laugh with Him. Today...and in the days to come....and AT the days to come. Lots of laughter.
It's 2:00 in the afternoon. And I was tempted earlier to blow up social media telling people I've already got dinner in the oven. It's true. But if my posts were completely honest, I would have to share that I've already BURNED dinner. At 2:10 in the afternoon. When I went to open the front door and let the smoke out, there was something taped to my door. New pizza delivery truck in the neighborhood. SO the Lord and I are laughing all the way to the dumpster with dinner.....and I'm saving that number for tonight.
Live FORGIVEN today, and LAUGH. A lot.