2019: Walking with Him.

I learned another lesson tonight. As much as I love this time of year, I am a big picture person. So when I think about resolutions, I think long term. And I often get discouraged when I think of all the years I have made resolutions and failed miserably before the end of January. Or the first week of January.

Ever since we lost Sylas’s mom, Kyle has had a really hard time being away from both of us. Especially at night. It breaks my heart because he used to be really carefree and would go anywhere.

Over the last few years, he has attempted countless sleepovers. I think there has only been one time that he actually spent the night out, and that was because Ty was with him.

We do our best to trust him when he says to us “I want to spend the night with ____.” We believe him. We know he wants to do it. He packs his stuff. He goes to his friend’s house. And every single time….he texts or calls about 11pm and says he needs to be picked up. It’s usually a stomach ache. Or a head ache. Or “my friend already fell asleep and I’m not even tired.” (That was tonight’s excuse.)

So we go get him. 
We bring him home.

Tonight, Sylas went and got him. And when he walked in I was cleaning the kitchen. I stopped and noticed his cheeks were red. He’s not sick. I think he’s just embarrassed. He says he doesn’t feel good but we know what’s really going on. I kissed his face and said “welcome home.”

I felt like the Lord was showing me how He responds to us every time we make a new plan (or resolution) and we don’t follow through. Over and over. He meets us right where we gave up on our goal, missed the mark, gave in to temptation, or just couldn’t do it…whatever IT is. He sees right through our excuses. He lets us be human. And He welcomes us into His arms where we find rest…and a safe place to be human.

I’ll confess: I fail OFTEN because I set goals in my own strength. I make plans that are MY plans without consulting Him. I strategize and dream big and don’t count the cost or consider my limitations and then I get frustrated and give up. Or give in.

And I have found Him so faithful.

He doesn’t hold my failures up. He lets me walk right back into His cleansing presence and He wraps me up and says welcome home.

So my goal this year is to walk with Him. That’s it. That’s my plan. It feels so out of control and so unAmerican and so weak. But I have a feeling it will be my best year yet.