You know the drill. You get home from a trip and the last thing you want to do is unpack. So you set the suitcase or duffle or whatever in the corner and stare at it. Eventually, you just move it to the bottom of the closet where it sits until you need clean underwear or socks and remember there’s an extra pair still tucked in that bag you used a month ago. The one you haven’t unpacked.
Is it just me? I hope not.
Last week was emotional in a lot of ways. There was just a lot of stressful stuff swirling around our little lives and I felt like I was juggling jello. I left an intense meeting and got in my car and drove home and just couldn’t bring myself to get out and go in.
Nothing inside the house was stressful. I was excited to see the boys after a long day, and Sylas was bringing dinner home later. But I didn’t like how I was about to show up.
My heart was a mess and my head was spinning and that’s not the mom I want to be. So I just sat in my car and prayed. I wasn’t even sure what to say. It kind of started like “Hey God I just don’t like where my head and heart are tonight. I’m a mess. I am restless and weird and uncomfortable and I need your help. I need you to show me why and help me clean it up.”
I felt like He whispered “keep going.”
So I did. The tears started flowing and I got more confident in my prayer. I said “Lord I don’t know why I let situations get to me. Deeply. I don’t know why I let people get to me. Deeply. I don’t know why I take on burdens and responsibilities that aren’t mine to carry. I don’t know why I feel so ICKY right now.”
I’m pretty sure He said it again “I hear you…keep going.”
Then I was full speed ahead. "I need your help to let go of all of that. Whatever THAT is. I’m done with it. Whatever it is that I’m carrying. It’s not mine to carry. I’m here and I see the cross in my mind and I know you said you paid it all but there’s just some stuff I’m still carrying and I honestly don’t know what it is. It’s just heavy. And I know you said your yoke is easy and your burden is light so can we trade? God will you help me unpack all this stuff??”
That’s when I saw the vision of the old suitcase in the bottom of my closet. It was an antique one. With dirty clothes stuck to the inside corners. And He began to help me unpack. I didn’t see His face but I saw His big strong arms. He grabbed clothes I recognized and some that I didn’t. Wadded up, old stuff. We just cleaned it all out. And then the suitcase was empty.
I felt very strongly that I was not only praying this for myself, but also for someone else. Someone who needed His help to unpack a bunch of stuff right in that moment. I didn’t know who it was until this morning. We bonded over our desperate need for the King of unpacking to pull out all the old stuff we’ve been carrying for way too long and trade it for His easy and light load.
We didn’t cry or anything. Just acknowledged that He’s at work in both of us. Unpacking.
He unpacked some stuff for me today. Or I guess it was already unpacked. Maybe it was something we pulled out of that old suitcase last Wednesday night. But He revealed to me something I’ve been carrying around for way too long that’s not mine to carry.
I know He will keep showing me more of what we’re digging up and my burden will get easier and lighter as I walk with Him.
I love that we aren’t alone in this journey. And I love that I was able to walk in the door that night after that prayer with a light heart and just enjoy my boys. Ya know…as I sat and watched them play Fortnite. ;)